Real Me vs. Better Me (part 2)

Ever wonder: Am I trying to work-out/diet my body into a body it can no longer be? Maybe this is the size I’m meant to be. These are the hips I should have. Why am I competing with my younger self? I’m not her anymore, nor would I want to be. Plus, it is not a fair comparison. She didn’t carry three children or nurse them for a collective 51 months. (Yes, you heard me correctly: 51 months. Adios, perky boobs.) We put a lot of miles on our bodies; why should we expect them to run--and look--the same as they once did?

I’ve made real headway on accepting Real Me. Two months ago, I purged my closet of all those clothes that used to fit; those nagging, “someday” clothes. It’s not a self-confidence boost to face your old, smaller-sized clothing every morning. You can almost hear them taunting you from their skinny little hangers, “Ha-ha! Remember us?” They are even more irritating when they get on your body and start chafing your muffin-top.

I do double-takes when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. It’s shocking because 1) I don’t look at myself much [pee, wash hands at top-speed, and exit before children find a knife] and 2) I do not feel much older on the inside. Yes, I’ve had a hundreds of formative experiences in the last decade or so, but do I feel massively different than 30-year-old me or even 20-year-old me? Not really. I still laugh at the same brands of humor even if I have a different take on them. (The Simpsons will always be funny. So will Kids in the Hall skits.) I still feel like a kid masquerading as a grown-up sometimes. I have the urge to tell my children that I have no credentials whatsoever to be their parent… “Ha-ha, you thought I had a plan. I’m just winging it!”

Real Me and Better Me agree on one pivotal point: Exercise feels good. That is reason enough to keep showing up at fitness classes. And it might add years to my life, which means travelling with my husband (just the two of us!) and playing with my grandchildren. The Me’s agree on that. So I will keep taking care of my body (and appreciating it) at whatever age or stage it is at. Let’s work on that together. Deal?